Love: Action, Noun, or Ideal? What of It?
Callie and Arizona (This is not my image; I do not own it in any way)
Love. It’s one of those words that in its simplest state can be an action, a noun, an ideal; it can be everything and nothing. While catching up on one of my favorite shows, “Grey’s Anatomy,” the complex relationship between Callie and Arizona–a lesbian couple on the show–reminded me of just how complicated love can be. For those of you who don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, I won’t bore you with the long, albeit interesting, rundown of their relationship frame-by-frame. But, I will briefly fill you in on the important details. Callie (the brunette) was introduced to Arizona (the blond) when Arizona became a new resident Pediatrician. However, when Arizona hit on Callie, my attention stirred along with everyone else that tuned in to that episode; later in a bold display of passion, Arizona kissed Callie, thus beginning their great romance. On the show, their relationship has been the tricky battlefield where subjects of identity (Callie’s first lesbian relationship)as well as the trial and tribulations that come with love have taken place.
The relationship became stressed when Arizona was offered a once-in-a-lifetime grant for research to work in Africa. Because Callie loved her, she decided to attend, despite the fact that her relocation would interfere with her own career ambitions at Seattle Grace Hospital. The episode culminated in a surprising climax where Arizona broke up with Callie in the middle of the airport; Despite Callie’s pleading, Arizona walked away from their 3 year relationship. So, why did I choose to focus on this relationship and why on earth would I choose this as my first post? Put simply, regardless of sexual orientation, sex, gender, etc. we have all, at some point in our lives, had to go through this painful thing we call love. As toddlers, we were fed its fantastical feats through our favorite fairy tales and as adults, we are still reminded of it with a box of kleenex as we watch our favorite movies. All that being said, we remain oblivious to its pain until its sitting on our doorstep waiting to come in. Even when you are in a relationship, we peak out of the window or observe heartbreak through the peephole and you can’t help but wonder what this thing is we call love.
Although I am young, I’m sure I can speak for many when I say that love is one of the first things we are “supposed” to be introduced to. If we really want to go there, it’s supposed to be the thing that creates us, leads to our birth, and walks with us until the end of our days–funny isn’t it?! However, what our mental rolodex of Walt Disney stories and songs doesn’t tell us is how we’re supposed to walk when our knees buckle after hearing, “I need to talk to you about something.” Or, when we are crying uncontrollably and life as we know it feels like it has ended after that person leaves. For those of you who still remain stone-faced, what about when your favorite cereals loaded with sugar no longer tempt you or your guilty pleasures are tainted with his/her memory; how do you reconstruct, rebuild, and reclaim “you?” Alright, I apologize for bringing back those painful memories, but I hope you see where I’m coming from.The idea of love as something meant to end happily ever after in blissful romance tends to be no truer than the idea of Santa Clause when you are 16 (I hope I didn’t ruin any dreams by revealing this…lol).
But that being said, what is it? How do we define it? How do we plan for its inevitable grasp and, sometimes, its swift and unpredictable departure? Probably the greater reason for this blog post, how do we deal with the memories that validated our fantasy when we were happily in it, but then succumbed to love’s tempter tantrum that threw the fragile vase that held it all together at our feet? Referring to the current episode of Grey’s Anatomy, What happens when the face responsible for all of this comes back and whispers those three words that you have fought desperately to erase from your vocabulary?
I’ll end this post with a very important question: If you had one thing to say to the first person to ever break your heart, what would it be?
As always, if it’s worthy of a set of eyes, don’t forget to cc: Keith.
Nothing but love,
Keith
For the clips of the breakup between Callie and Arizona click here.
When Atlas shrugged his burden onto me, I thought I could shoulder the world….and then love cut me down from my knees…
Love is a painful thing, the source of my only pessimism. Love stabs me like discouraging words, like a burning knife….
Love is the opium that leads to death.
I like what you said Asan because it really captures the other side of love, the one that I’m referring to. To some, Love can be empowering, it can change the world and make it a better place. However, love isn’t always empowering and it definitely doesn’t always make us feel like it’s a benefit to have or experience. I often refer to love as a promiscuous woman that is good at getting you to fall but equally as good with fleeing. She allows no questions and she provides you with absolutely no answers. She takes from you, provides you with nothing, and expects you to continue to give unconditionally. You are referring to the other side of love; I agree with you wholeheartedly.
I’m so proud of you..your first blog post….outstanding!
You asked: If you had one thing to say to the first person to ever break your heart, what would it be?
To quote the songstress Tweet, I’d say, “go ta hell baby…cause I know I saw you go into a motel…”
LOL!!!
Naw, seriously, I would thank him for giving me an introductory lession about men and sex and the games they play to protect their fragile egos.
Man, that was many years ago, and despite that experience and several others that didn’t end with the happily ever after promise fulfilled, I get up, dust myself off, and come back to the table of love, hoping that what’s being served will be better than before, and refusing to give up on the idea that I will find true love one day with the right man.
Tieshka,
You have a really good point and I really appreciate your candidness, not to mention your reference to Tweet’s song that I have been playing forever! But yeah, some people get a taste of love and become love-vegetarians and get repulsed at the idea of ever going back into her camp. Instead, you go back asking, “Can I have some more, sir?” The interesting thing about my post is that, for many who chose to answer that final question, regardless of how recent the pain is or how long ago it was, it shows that love has a purpose. It being an action, it being a noun, it being a state of mind/ideal provides it and US with purpose. Because life is colored by the relationships that we have, without these relationships, both good and bad, life would have no meaning and would be like Crystal Light Iced Tea, lacking enough sugar! lol
Thank you for going back to the table of love and DEMANDING a better menu and selection; it provides us all with the hope, albeit skeptical optimism at best, that love will one day settle down in our beds without ripping out our hearts first
oh, i’m always gonna be an hopeless romantic..quick astro lesson: I have venus rising in Leo making an aspect to neptune (idealism, delusion) in Sagittarius…i love the idea of love, expansive love, romantic love, passionate love, dramatic love, and I love the idea of someone loving me back, even if the love I get in return isn’t good for me. Venus in Leo has an insatiable appetite for love and constant need for adoration, so of course I’m at the table of love like it’s an all-you-can-eat 24-hour buffet! And I like grape kool-aid with my dinner…they can keep that Crystal Light!! LOL
love is a reality to those who are willing. period.
Hello Isaac,
I don’t think I would have been able to have said it any better; it has two participants and two sides. Bombness!
LOVED this post Keith! I am writing a relationship column… sort of… long story and this was AWESOME. So true. Big questions.. requiring lots of thought. The big ones questions: When you love someone, do you always love them? Does that even apply when people throw the words around so casually? Can you really move into other relationships without being negatively jilted by the ones of the past even though you’re “over it”?
Hey Jasmine,
We have had this conversation many times. I look forward to reading your article and would even like to introduce it in a post in the near future, after you have finished it.
Also, I could never answer those questions in this comment section; that’s more of a subject for a volume of books! But, I was definitely thinking about the same things. I look forward to us trying to answer those questions together.
Wow…..that’s deep my carpool buddy! Very well said. I do think we always remember good things about broken relationships, hence we don’t get over them quickly. But dealing with love is tricky. It embodies everything you named. Walking away completely generally takes time. When true love arrives, it recognizes and exposes the real you, and surprisingly stays around in spite of our faults.
I agree with what you’re saying Qiana…. it is definitely something that teaches us about ourselves; we become better people as a result of it. When we do encounter that amazing true love….it makes everything worth it.
I would say thank you for making me see that my dreams are worth having and the work it takes to maintain it.
Very beautiful words Quo. It definitely seems like you learned a lot from that person. May that lesson always be a good takeaway!!! Thanks Quo.
This blog post is a great creative capturing of cultural relevance for our generation.
Always amazing!!!! Thanks Daniel!
This was very well written. Love has definitely been our topic of conversation. As one who hasn’t have a broken heart from a love-realtionship, i believe we’ll have our encounter. What I’ve learned about “Love” is it ‘Releases’ you and doesn’t ‘Bind’! That’s what your “Ego” does!
I’m very proud of you Keith!! You’ve come a long way. Continue on this path and never let a broken-heart cause you to stray!!!
This when you try love and see what it can do you have a really good point and I really appreciate the feeling that you express your self about love keep up the good work may God bless you bro
Hello Jordan,
Thank you for your kind words. Keep coming back and I’m hoping that we can all teach each other something. Remember, I’m just articulating what I have experienced based on experience. May God bless you as well and I look forward to hearing what you have to say on future postings.
Great posting! I am unfamiliar with the episodes of Grey’s Anatomy…. But I am all too familiar with the concept of Love. Love is amazing and carries such an impact on our lives. It’s beyond incredible how an emotion…a feeling… an heartfealt sensation can take control of your heart, mind, decision-making, etc. Love can cause you to gain great things…but in another individual’s life… They can be driven to insanity and lose it all. Love…so impossible to predict…so amazing…so fear-provoking…and sometimes, so worth it.
Hey Cousin,
You know we have discussed this topic endlessly and I”m glad that you came to comment. You captured the feelings of futility and empowerment of being in love. It’s the sweet taste of heaven coupled with the bitterness of hell sometimes, but as you say, “so worth it.” Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and I really look forward to what you have to say about my future postings. You’re amazing! Miss you cousin!
To answer your final question, I would tell him:
“You showed me everything I don’t want in this life. Why did we go on pretending for so long? We were so lost that we actually believed we loved each other. Ultimately, you proved to me that being single is a much better route for my life.”
Then I would walk off singing & dancing Beyonce’s “Single Ladies”. (Ok not really…)
Amazing 1st post Keith. Love is so complex and has so many degrees. People say it to easily, but people also don’t say it enough.
See you in the AM @ work.
Hey Nicole,
I’m glad that you came to comment. Thank you for sharing those important words that you would share with the first person to ever break your heart. I know I can certainly agree with what you said but I”m glad that you are able to skip and sing away. It shows not only that you learned from it, but that it hasn’t hampered the future of you falling in love again. Looking forward to reading your blog in the very new future as well as another great day of work tomorrow in the AM.
Keith,
Greetings and congrats on your first blog, first and foremost. As for the topic at hand, oh, is it complex. To answer the ending question, though…I’d likely say “hello / how are you,” simply because after the broken heart is healed, it’s possible to be civil, and even genuinely concerned about that person since no one is perfect. The circumstances behind the broken heart can certainly play a role in one’s reaction, but that’s always been my way (to “kill em with kindness”.)
I will say that one’s desire to even reach out to someone who has broken your heart takes time and patience, because there is nothing worse than having to show pain or hatred to someone who you honestly don’t feel deserves any energy from you in the first place (you know how it is, they hurt you so bad, you want them to feel the same, but when it’s really, REALLY over, you don’t have to turn to resentment.)
Coming back to the subject of love, I believe that love is an intangible, omnipresent “thing” that can be revealed in tangible ways (physically, tokens of appreciation, TIME, change, compromise, etc.), and it is certainly a very strong emotion. I also believe that love has to have been present to truly hate / have disdain toward another person, and so without love (or emotional investment) there can be no hate or anger…am I right?
That was a bit of a tangent, but it brings me to my final point. If that person who broke your heart so badly comes back, and you feel resentment for them, then love is evidently still there, even in the recesses of your mind (for hate, once again, is only tainted love). Still being IN love with the person, however, would take a great deal more to understand, though.
So love is….everything we want to have, but everything we don’t if it presents itself for the “wrong” person, at the “wrong” time, or if we really mean to express the contrary…
Post Script: If my logic seems a bit murky, please charge it to the white wine
With Love (truly),
Lexi
Lexi,
You are a blessing–that’s all I can say!!! I hope you know I”m looking forward to you starting a blog really soon because I know we have had many conversations about this topic and more. You said it perfectly! Love is present even in an emotion as intense as hate. I mean how else can you fully devote yourself to relentlessly feeling repulsed by something or an idea? That takes energy, that takes dedication, that takes loyalty; it is love.
I love even more what you would say to the person that broke your heart because you are absolutely right! You can be civil with a person that has broken you heart because they are human just like you are. I like to think that we must treat others the same way we want to be treated. I can’t play victim unless I have at some point in time been the victimizer if you catch my drift. It’s also no secret that there is a heartbreak behind every heartbreak-ER! lol
That’s another post for another day. I hope to see you replying very soon Lexi!
Next time, the white wine is on me!
Dear Keith, first of all congrats for your post, which shows one more side of your extensive talents. Apologise for my English..I am French…my people might not be very good for foreign languages but we can be love experts: the French kiss is made in France
)
Now I have a few questions for you :
- are you talking from experience ?
- are you in a relationship right now ?
- why did you choose that subject to start ?
From my long experience with sentimental life what I can tell, looking back to all these ups and downs, is that love is definitely helping us growing up.
Whatever the unbearable pain or the unforgettable joy, we learn. Love is a very demanding teacher. Unfortunately not everyone can pass the exam.
Love really helped me find out who I am in such a way I totally changed my life after a break up. I was a crazy preppy selfish money focus sales rep in the software business. I dropped it all to start over from scratch to become a fashion designer and launch my own label.
Now I am starting to age and I understand two things :
- Love is what keeps you alive – money and power without love is like a meal without (French!!) wine. If you have love you also have all the excitement that comes along with a relationship. If you don’t have it, you have all the excitement that comes with your ability to remain attractive like…the flower to the bee.
- But one day the flower will fade and it will find out that Honey is gone with the bee so the flower must be epicurean to enjoy as much as it can during the love season
Whatever your current personal situation regarding love, I am sure you can reach heights playing your role in the Pastoral Symphony but keep in mind that some flowers are carnivorous !
Hey there Francois,
Of course you know I was really looking forward to your post. And don’t worry about your command of English because it’s impeccable! I went to your website and realized that although I have had three years of high school French, I could barely grasp the concepts of your blog without the pictures! You’re writing was beautiful.
To answer you questions: I am talking from experience. I am not in a relationship. I chose this subject to start in response to the show, “Grey’s Anatomy.” The writers of this show are talented at getting at underlying, but equally moving topics about love, dedication, drama, struggle, etc. Love was just one of the many things that they tackled in their last episode, but more specifically, how do we learn to forgive, when is it possible, and how can we all relate to being heartbroken. That’s where the first post came from.
In response to what you wrote, all I can muster is EXACTLY! Your experiences tell of pain, self realization, reflection, and like many of the other posts, empowerment. You’ve learned the lesson but you still seem like you’re open to learning even more. I’m really looking forward to hearing what you have to say on future posts.
P.S.
Don’t forget the poetry on the Poetry Tab!!!
this was dope bro! this reminds me of the conversation we had.
I wouldn’t say anything. I’d just let him observe… and recognize lol
Someone can’t love you, if they don’t love themselves. They’re deficient in something. What might help you sleep at night is this (the part of me that wants vengeance says):
Dear Heartbreaker,
You go around starting these relationships, misrepresenting yourself, hiding your bruised/ broken ego, while stroking other’s…all with the aim of stealing one’s heart. Congratulations, you won mine. Not only did you win it…you nursed it back to health (like a new born baby, you brought it to life)…and then bashed it’s head in. You injured me, yet I don’t seek to recover damages from you. In fact, I forgive you. Moreover, I thank you for the lessons you taught me & want you to know that I am better because of it.
Alas, your ego is still broken. You can steal and crush a million hearts but they won’t bring you peace. They won’t grow you confidence. They won’t change your circumstances. Do the world a favor, do yourself a favor and be alone until you can do right others. Stop hurting others and focus on solving your own issues. If you continue on this path, it will only lead to your own self destruction.
You’re sick, get well soon.
Ade
Ade,
I do believe I”m speechless, but that letter will always bee in my mind. Seriously, it was perfectly put and to the point. Again, I’m speechless….
Thanks for sharing and come back soon!
I must admit this topic is a interesting one.
What would I tell the first person who hurt me.
I would ask the question WHY? It is a question I
always wanted to know the answered to. Its bad enough
to hurt but not knowing why hurt worst.